During medical microbiology lab we were taught about bacterial conjugation...a.k.a bacteria getting-it-on. Here bacteria 'A' is happily using his "sex pilus" to exchange virulence factors with bacteria 'B.' As you can see, A is thinking "it may be skinny but its long, man." So After a long week studying bugs and virulence factors on the corner of the library, the most anticipated time of the week had arrived, Friday night. Time for a date with a beautiful girl, good food, and great conversation. This gal was gorgeous, when I drove to her house and waited outside, she walked toward the car to greet me. Time decelerated for a few second as she walked closer, her long black hair was down and her dress fit nicely to the contour of her delicate body. With every step, my eyes slowly surveyed her voluptuous figure, beginning with her bright red heels. A complete knock out; beauty in slow motion. We faced each other, her dark eyes sated with anticipation, her gentle smile, her warm greetings, her scent... all was perfect.
The rest of the date was a slower version of the first 30 seconds.
On the drive to the restaurant, the car stereo was playing "Sex and Candy" by Marcy Playground. So instinctively, I stopped talking and raised the volume. To get things going, during the date I told her about conjugation and she thought it was amusing.
I took her back to her apartment hoping for an inside invite… but she was a 3rd-year Pharm.D student scheduled for internship hours early next morning. We kissed, and I reluctantly drove back home.
The freeways in Los Angeles (LA) are notorious for traffic and stupid commuters. Los Angelinos are also well known for their banal road rage. Here, posted signs on shopping malls saying “Please Park between the Lines” is considered simple innocuous advice. Still, my commute was quite pleasant and I could not stop smiling as the song ‘Bang a Gong’ by T.Rex was playing on the stereo; amused by how the LA trolleys penetrated bridge tunnels as loud horns screamed so hard it could blow your socks off. As I’m driving 75mph, suddenly a black suburban stopped in front of me unaware of an imminent rear-end crash. After quickly hitting the brakes and swerving to avoid collision, I nearly hit the center divider. Extremely close call; my heart was racing, but all was safe. No one was hurt.
The moral of the story is…
Don’t drive while pondering fornication. Dangerous.
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